It is not hard to see how our everyday resentment of one another and lack of generosity feeds into the national dysfunction that has been on display in every recent election year. Is there another way?
I really love this nuanced lens on how to deal with strong reactions to triggers from strangers. As a biracial Asian American woman myself and daughter of an immigrant, I frequently get questions related to "Where are you ((really)) from?" with strangers always rejecting my honest answer, making me feel alienated as if my sense of belonging in my own country is being stolen by this person. Based on my experiences, the question never seems to come from a place of genuine curiosity about me but more from their desire to share an anecdote about a particular culture, whether or not it is relevant to me. This is such a common experience amongst non-White passing Americans of course, and one I always *think* I've come to terms with internally. Usually I have the good sense to leave the situation and try to move on, but still struggle with the unexpected jarring internal anger every time this happens. And any time I've felt the need to intervene with a stranger to point out how this is culturally insensitive with the goal of saving someone else from dealing with this interaction in the future, it has unfortunately remained in the "conflict" frame instead of "connection."
One response I've been trying to sear into my brain for the next time this happens is to approach more with curiosity (as you've suggested) to just ask a question back, like "Where do you think I'm from?" so I can better understand why they're asking and on what topic they're trying to connect, rather than getting stuck in the loop of them not accepting my answers or myself making assumptions from a place of anger.
I appreciate the gentle encouragement in this article to pursue grace and generosity, with practice over time, rather than trying to "punish" those who make misguided comments (or allowing them the power to disrupt our internal peace). I strongly believe in the pursuit of reconciliation and peacemaking with friends and loved ones (when possible and safe), but will reflect more on how to extend this to strangers in a way that is more humanizing and unifying for society. Thank you for sharing!!
I really love this nuanced lens on how to deal with strong reactions to triggers from strangers. As a biracial Asian American woman myself and daughter of an immigrant, I frequently get questions related to "Where are you ((really)) from?" with strangers always rejecting my honest answer, making me feel alienated as if my sense of belonging in my own country is being stolen by this person. Based on my experiences, the question never seems to come from a place of genuine curiosity about me but more from their desire to share an anecdote about a particular culture, whether or not it is relevant to me. This is such a common experience amongst non-White passing Americans of course, and one I always *think* I've come to terms with internally. Usually I have the good sense to leave the situation and try to move on, but still struggle with the unexpected jarring internal anger every time this happens. And any time I've felt the need to intervene with a stranger to point out how this is culturally insensitive with the goal of saving someone else from dealing with this interaction in the future, it has unfortunately remained in the "conflict" frame instead of "connection."
One response I've been trying to sear into my brain for the next time this happens is to approach more with curiosity (as you've suggested) to just ask a question back, like "Where do you think I'm from?" so I can better understand why they're asking and on what topic they're trying to connect, rather than getting stuck in the loop of them not accepting my answers or myself making assumptions from a place of anger.
I appreciate the gentle encouragement in this article to pursue grace and generosity, with practice over time, rather than trying to "punish" those who make misguided comments (or allowing them the power to disrupt our internal peace). I strongly believe in the pursuit of reconciliation and peacemaking with friends and loved ones (when possible and safe), but will reflect more on how to extend this to strangers in a way that is more humanizing and unifying for society. Thank you for sharing!!